Okay, as with LANTERNS, here’s the rewrite breakdown for VOIDVILLE. I’ve listed what was done as it corresponds to the original day-to-day VOIDVILLE posts on this blog. If you get the eventual paperback or ebook version and are interested in the revision process, you can follow along with the original posts and the rewrite references below…
I mentioned it earlier, but I accidentally deleted this list at one point, but was able to put it back together at about 95% of what it was. There may be a few changes here and there that aren’t documented below.
As before, I’m not listing changes in punctuation, adding/removing line breaks, and other minutiae.
(And needless to say, if you want to be surprised by the story, don’t read the revision notes, as I’ll be revealing plot details here and there!)
DAY 1: Updated ‘peak’ to ‘capacity’.
Updated ‘flying’ to ‘which flew’.
Made global change to capitalize ‘Leviathan’.
Pluralized ‘bracelet’ and ‘wrist’.
DAY 2: Continuity: Benjamin gets in trouble for promising Eury she can play then ditching her. I put that promise in here.
DAY 3: No changes!
DAY 4: Changed ‘drove’ to ‘passed’. Andi’s too young to drive. She might have been in a car with her parent, but specifying that would have been too much detail for a quick thought.
Changed ‘she’ to ‘the girl’ for clarity.
DAY 5: Removed ‘gleefully’. The passage of time is presented as a mechanistic thing, so the adverb felt tonally wrong.
Changed ‘inclined wall’ to ‘rows’. Tried to be poetic and failed.
Added ‘separate’ to ‘two pep rallies’ to clarify.
Changed to ‘as one of the custodians prepared’. Flowed better.
Added ‘a’ to ‘there was decorum’. Flowed better.
DAY 6: Removed ‘in’ from ‘I believe in that’. Sounded strange.
Removed ‘little’ from the description of Andi’s bag. It’s got a dress and makeup kit in it, after all — it can’t be that little!
DAY 7: Changed ‘The other guys’ to ‘Other…’ Later events would suggest Cy hasn’t had a girlfriend, either.
DAY 8: Continuity: updated ‘Carson’ to ‘Carter.’ (Sigh.)
Shifted around ‘blast’ and ‘fun’ and ‘great time’. Flowed better.
Changed ‘furry glove’ to ‘big hand’ as we already established Randall was allergic to fake fur.
Changed ‘bid’ to ‘bade’ to fix the verb.
Changed ‘happy’ to ‘truly happy’. Flowed better.
DAY 9: Added ‘she does’ to ‘Dad and me’ to clarify.
DAY 10: Added ‘in that case’ to ‘with a warning’ to clarify.
Removed the section about the parents having ‘the talk’ with Eury. It felt too farcical for the scene.
DAY 11: Continuity fix: referred to Cy’s sister as ‘Rose’ in some places and ‘Beth’ in others. (Sigh.) Standardized it to ‘Beth’. What is it with me and changing characters’ names halfway through? Remind me to tell you some time about a short story of mine that actually got published with a character’s name changing midway through…
DAY 12: No changes!
DAY 13: Changed ‘tend’ to ‘tended’.
Changed ‘you’ to ‘your’ in ‘honor you father’. (Sigh.)
DAY 14: Rephrased ‘A little more advanced notice…’ The good old corkscrew syntax that comes from my being a lifelong Texan…!
DAY 15: No changes!
DAY 16: Removed ‘up’ from ‘Stuff me up’. Perfect prepositional (mis)use for Texas, but confusing to the world at large…
DAY 17: Changed ‘once’ to ‘one’. (Sigh.)
DAY 18: No changes!
DAY 19: Changed ‘prank’ to ‘joke, only a joke.’ It fit Benjamin’s frazzled mindset better.
Removed ‘inside, outside,’ because it made it sound like they’d left the house when they hadn’t yet.
Removed ‘back’ from lawn. Redundant.
Added ‘with’ to ‘no way to make things right. Flowed better.
DAY 20: Went through and standardized the capitalization of ‘Flags’ and ‘Flag Corps’ where needed.
Lowercased ‘Heaven,’ since it was being used informally.
DAY 21: Added ‘of’ to ‘couple school’. (Sigh.)
Added ‘like’ to ‘her peers did’ for clarity.
DAY 22: Rephrased ‘like Andi had been over’. Crazy syntax strikes again!
DAY 23: Changed a ‘said’ to ‘continued’. Oh no, I’ve committed a ‘said bookism’! But sometimes a different word works better…
DAY 24: Added a ‘ma’am’ to Andi’s ‘no problem.’ The teacher would expect more deference.
Added ‘at’ to ‘100%’. Flowed better.
DAY 25: Changed ‘didn’t’ to ‘wasn’t’ to match verbs.
DAY 26: Clarified ‘the world’ with a reference to Voidville.
DAY 27: Changed ‘self’ to ‘shelf’. (Sigh.)
DAY 28: Changed ‘a full head shorter,’ as I’d already used that phrase to describe Wren.
Continuity fix: Randall’s family were Church of Christ, not Baptist. As someone who was raised Baptist, I really ought to know the difference!
DAY 29: Changed ‘Joseph’ to ‘Jacob’. Just being picky here, as I’d already used Joseph as a possible Voidville character for one of Randall’s brothers.
Changed ‘sleep’ to ‘slumber’. Felt like a better word.
Removed ‘at first’ in Andi’s eating description. Felt unneeded.
Added foreshadowing to the invitation rewrite below.
DAY 30: Rewrote the section where Andi invited Cy to the dance with a letter. Couldn’t find a good place to foreshadow that. Replaced it with a phone message.
Added ‘And’ to ‘I have the power’. Felt better, as she was ending a list.
Added ‘else’ to ‘Or I let’. Flowed a little better.
Removed the apostrophe-‘s’ from the end of ‘Andi’. (Sigh.)
Changed ‘girlie’ to ‘girl’. Didn’t feel right for Mrs. Vail.
Expanded Mrs. Vail’s rejection of Benjamin.
Tweaked the bit about stealing the bicycles, as they were fleeing from Mrs. Vail.
DAY 31.1: Changed ‘At nine’ to ‘By nine’. Needed to be a little imprecise.
Changed ‘scuttled’ to ‘lumbered’ to reflect the huge crab’s size.
Added ‘Ziz’s’ to ‘the throat’ to err on the side of clarity.
DAY 31.2: Added ‘that version’ to ‘you’re playing’ to clarify.
Added ‘honestly?’ to ‘And I’. Flowed better.
Expanded Cy’s monologue to give a bit more info on how he came back to life.
Added a section to ‘as she looked at the arrow,’ to further demonstrate Andi’s mindset and build up the reveal of her being able to alter reality.
Added a bit after ‘Go get him,’ to show Benjamin actually getting to he feet before running. (Sigh.)
Changed ‘flying’ to ‘failing, desperate’. Benjamin’s not that coordinated.
Altered the bit with Benjamin laughing at Cy’s joke. Felt a bit too much like Batman: The Killing Joke.
Changed ‘come’ to ‘go’ to fix the verb.
Continuity: made a big deal about the rat-thing Andi sees earlier, but never called back to it or tied it up. Took care of that.
Added ‘He looked her right in the eyes’ to add a beat to Benjamin’s explanation.
Slightly expanded Andi’ debate on whether or not to go with Benjamin.
Softened Benjamin’s reference to the ring-toss game. Felt a bit spiteful.
Continuity: added a bit where Benjamin turns to face Andi before he falls backwards into the portal.
Continuity: added a small bit as Benjamin falls calling back to the sheet-draped Lloyd stand-in.
DAY 32: Removed ‘on’ after ‘clicked’. More Southern syntax.
Added a bit more dialogue to improve the pacing before they go to Eury’s truck.
Changed Eury’s dialogue so she refers to herself as Europa.
Changed ‘had’ to ‘took’. Felt like a better word.
Changed ‘awful’ to ‘horrible’. Better word choice.
Changed up the part as Eury asks Andi about her life to make the emotional shift flow a little better.
Continuity: Amended Andi’s statement about no kids, since passing stories on to her children was one of the reasons she didn’t follow Benjamin.
Changed ‘it was’ to ‘these trips were’ for clarity.
Changed ‘you’d’ to ‘you’ll’ to fix the verb.
Removed ‘Fighting for us’. The more I came back to it, the less I liked it. It felt a little too hero-worshippy for something both Andi and Eury have *extremely* mixed feelings over.
Changed ‘in the witching hour’ to ‘during…’. Better word.
Added a bit of action and dialogue to Andi’s ‘I try’. Felt a little abrupt before.
Added ‘tiny piece by tiny piece’ to ‘this world is eating me’. It’s a gradual, insidious process, as we all know.
Changed ‘Leviathan’ to ‘Ziz’ to fit Andi’s experiences.
Next up is reading what I’ve done so far on FACE AFTER FACE, to re-familiarize myself before I begin the task of completing it…
MUCH TO-DO ABOUT NOTHING
FACE AFTER FACE (Book 1) – Finish writing; printout markup; rewrites; cover art; ebook formatting; paperback formatting; publish
VOIDVILLE (Book 2) – Cover art; ebook formatting; paperback formatting; publish
LANTERNS (Book 3) – Cover art; ebook formatting; paperback formatting; publish
TAPEWORM (Book 4) – Finish writing; printout markup; rewrites; cover art; ebook formatting; paperback formatting; publish